[Imagine a cleverly drawn cartoon with a witty caption.
If I waited for the time to execute the idea I have in my head for this, I would never post again.]
If you haven't noticed, I started the NaBloPoMo excited to post every day, and only made it a week in before I let it slide. Granted, the first day I didn't post was the day of my half marathon. That day was a doozie. First I didn't sleep much; as in, I dozed maybe an hour, woke with my nervous stomach at about 3am, and pretty much just laid there and stressed about the race all night. Then I ran harder and faster than I had run in about 6 weeks due to my ankle injury. That resulted in severe pain about mile 11, but I finished! 2:16:35 was my official time. Not my goal of under 2 hours, but under the circumstances I'll take it. I then hobbled around Savannah the rest of the afternoon shopping and eating (well, wandering until we found food would be a better description) before driving 5 hours back home. I was busy and exhausted. So, I'll give myself a pass for that day, but the other six. Not so much.
I'm horrible at following through and pushing myself in my commitments. I make and use excuses WAY to easily, and it seems like I'm constantly letting myself and those around me down, not in the big things but in way too many little things. The big things, that's another story.
I've been a Christian for 27 years, and while I've battled with doubts in the church, I've never doubted Jesus is who he said he was or that he did what he said he did for me. I stuck with my major all the way through college and continued with it into grad school. I've been married for 11 years. I've been a stay at home mom for 7 years. So, I CAN stick with some things, but looking at those things in detail, they seem to be things that are just as hard to quit as they are to hold on to. Most other things, the things that are easier to quit than to continue, the ones I can find and make a good excuse for, those are the things I can't seem to stay committed to.
Aaaand……then there's running. This would definitely qualify as one of those easier to quit than continue things. I could come up with a billion excuses to quit running, but I've stuck with it. Oh, now, I gave up about a hundred times that first month. I can remember talking to myself on the treadmill, "who does this for fun?" "Runners are nuts." "I must be doing it wrong." "My crooked legs weren't made for running." [Little known fact, I had braces on my legs when I was a small child.] "Oh, God, it hurts! Why can't I do what nearly every kid on a playground does effortlessly?" "I'm broken." "Am I supposed to be this sore?" "I've injured myself." "I quit." But something inside me kept screaming over all those other voices, "No! You can't give up. Not this." Well, that's the voice I listened to, and I kept going. I pushed through the pain, the struggle, the juggling of kids and schedules and homework and housework. I pushed through that first race and found I was hooked. I was immediately looking for the next race, the next training plan, the next path on this journey. I've run several 5ks. I ran the Peachtree Road Race (10k). This past weekend, I ran my first half marathon, and I'm getting ready to start training for my first marathon. 26.2 miles, and I guarantee sometime during my training, I'll want to give up. Definitely during the race, I'll likely hit the wall and have an internal temper tantrum. If you could have a mic in my head during the race, I'm sure it would be quite entertaining listening to me wrestle with all these voices and the occasional, "ooh, I like her shoes….I want a donut….squirrel." Hopefully, though, the mental and physical endurance I've built during training will kick in and the voice that says 'don't quit' will still be louder than all the others.
All that got me thinking. Why exactly is running the exception to my committment issues? Why is it so important for me to keep going?
I've seen a pin floating around pinterest's health and fitness section that caught my eye. I can't find it currently. So, I'm gonna paraphrase from memory and add my own two cents.
"A well-built physique is a status symbol, not because it conforms to a certain standard of beauty but because it is rare. You cannot buy it. You cannot inherit it. You cannot steal it. You cannot borrow it or hold onto it without constant work. It shows dedication. It shows discipline. It shows self respect. It shows self restraint, dignity, patience, work ethic and passion. It isn't the body alone that is so attractive, it is the person within that body that makes it the status symbol it is."
My initial goal when I started running was to run a 5k and get a little healthier. I was inspired by The Oxygen Mask Project and my husband's initial interest. I was motivated to be healthy for my kids, to be strong and vibrant as they and I grow older. There was a little fear mixed in, too, when I thought about what would happen to my autistic son if I were unable to care for him. However, as I started to see and feel my body change, and began to understand the difference between skinny and fit, I started craving bigger challenges and harder workouts. After the 5k came the 10k, then the half marathon. Next up is a 30k and a full marathon. I'm even trying to figure out how to do a triathlon next year. Weight lifting and HIIT, yoga and tabata. The stronger I become the stronger I want to be. I love that feeling, accomplishing a goal and feeling my body strengthen with every challenge.
I don't need a European sports car or diamonds or extravagantly expensive clothes or handbags. But a well built physique, that's a status symbol I want, and I'm willing to do what it takes to get it. I will run and lift and work and eat right. I want to look strong, feel strong and BE strong. While that isn't the only reason I run, and definitely not why I started, I think it's the biggest reason. There is also the fact that I love to race. The atmosphere of each race is addicting, and I find myself more and more drawn to the experience. I actually LIKE to run now. I like the physical act of running. It clears my head and makes me feel accomplished. I also take great pride in my commitment to running. I'm proud of myself and my internal drive. I've surprised myself, and I hope I'm able to keep surprising myself.
So, back around to the stinking at commitment thing. Where's the connection? One of my favorite podcasts to listen to is Ravi Zacharias. He's a Christian apologist born in India and based in Atlanta who is respected all over the world by many different religious leaders. He is known for having an uncompromising faith that he shows in everything he does, and for speaking the truth he unwaveringly believes with such love and respect that even those who are vehemently apposed to Christianity will listen to and respect him. He has spoken on spiritual and mental disciplines on his radio broadcast "Let My People Think", about how they're much like physical discipline. You must discipline yourself in prayer, faith, learning, commitment and _________ [insert positive character quality here]. These things don't just come naturally. They must be sought out and put to use. You cannot become spiritually strong unless you exercise your spirit. You cannot become mentally strong unless you exercise your brain. Use it or lose it, so to speak.
What keeps me married in the hard and hopeless times? The fear of divorce and all the destruction it brings. What keeps me at home with my kids even when I feel like I've been degraded to thankless menial work for tiny little tyrants? The fear of doing this whole parent thing wrong and my children having to pay the consequences for it. What kept me in graphic design even when I questioned whether it was the best path for me? What else would I do, and how do I know I would be any better at something else (why does it matter now anyway, I do laundry, dishes and chauffeur kids around all day)? Why do I continue to follow Jesus? Because he has proven himself over and over again to me, and if he isn't real, then I'm afraid nothing is. Why do I keep running? Because I'm afraid of going back to my old weak sedentary life.
What in my character allows me to break commitments that don't have those kinds of consequences? Apathy, I don't care or fear the 'little' consequences, and I lack spiritual endurance when my character is the only thing at stake.
I don't actually care. I can't, or I would use what keeps me committed to running to keep other commitments as well. So what….I committed to posting every day. It's not like anyone who doesn't know and love me in real life actually reads this blog. They'll be alright without a daily post from me. So what….I committed to cooking at home and not eating out this week. The kids (with the exception of Jackson) would rather eat out anyway. So what….I committed to reading and studying that book or area of interest. I just don't have the time, and I'd rather relax, i.e. obsess about how overwhelmed I am and just collapse on the couch or bed and refuse to actually DO life.
First I don't care like I should, but then even when I do really care, I lack the spiritual endurance I need to push through the doubt and negative voices, at least when there is no fear of giant consequences. I can't push through if I'm not really afraid of what might happen. Building a strong spirit that will push through even when it is only my character that suffers is not as important to me as that obstacle is hard.
I feel like I'm typing in circles, and using the word 'so' way too much. How 'bout if I take that statement of a well built physique and tweaked it a little. I think it might help. If you've read this far and are still following me, you deserve a medal or at least a hug. Remind me the next time I see you. :-) Anyway, my adapted quote….
A well cared for spirit is of great value, not because it conforms to a certain standard of morality but because it is rare. You cannot fake it. You cannot buy it. You cannot inherit it. You cannot steal it. You cannot borrow it or hold onto it without constant work. It shows dedication. It shows discipline. It shows self respect and consequently exudes true respect for the spirit of others. It shows self restraint, dignity, patience, work ethic and passion. The body alone gives little value to the whole person, but the spirit is where lies all that makes us who we are.
The status symbol of a well cared for body only matters while we're in THIS body. When we leave it behind, the condition of our spirit will be all that truly matters. If the condition of my spirit here determined how I looked in heaven, would I be fit or scrawny when I got there? I think I want to shoot for fit. Is there a marathon plan for spiritual fitness? I may have to get back to you on that.
What keeps me married in the hard and hopeless times? The fear of divorce and all the destruction it brings. What keeps me at home with my kids even when I feel like I've been degraded to thankless menial work for tiny little tyrants? The fear of doing this whole parent thing wrong and my children having to pay the consequences for it. What kept me in graphic design even when I questioned whether it was the best path for me? What else would I do, and how do I know I would be any better at something else (why does it matter now anyway, I do laundry, dishes and chauffeur kids around all day)? Why do I continue to follow Jesus? Because he has proven himself over and over again to me, and if he isn't real, then I'm afraid nothing is. Why do I keep running? Because I'm afraid of going back to my old weak sedentary life.
What in my character allows me to break commitments that don't have those kinds of consequences? Apathy, I don't care or fear the 'little' consequences, and I lack spiritual endurance when my character is the only thing at stake.
I don't actually care. I can't, or I would use what keeps me committed to running to keep other commitments as well. So what….I committed to posting every day. It's not like anyone who doesn't know and love me in real life actually reads this blog. They'll be alright without a daily post from me. So what….I committed to cooking at home and not eating out this week. The kids (with the exception of Jackson) would rather eat out anyway. So what….I committed to reading and studying that book or area of interest. I just don't have the time, and I'd rather relax, i.e. obsess about how overwhelmed I am and just collapse on the couch or bed and refuse to actually DO life.
First I don't care like I should, but then even when I do really care, I lack the spiritual endurance I need to push through the doubt and negative voices, at least when there is no fear of giant consequences. I can't push through if I'm not really afraid of what might happen. Building a strong spirit that will push through even when it is only my character that suffers is not as important to me as that obstacle is hard.
I feel like I'm typing in circles, and using the word 'so' way too much. How 'bout if I take that statement of a well built physique and tweaked it a little. I think it might help. If you've read this far and are still following me, you deserve a medal or at least a hug. Remind me the next time I see you. :-) Anyway, my adapted quote….
A well cared for spirit is of great value, not because it conforms to a certain standard of morality but because it is rare. You cannot fake it. You cannot buy it. You cannot inherit it. You cannot steal it. You cannot borrow it or hold onto it without constant work. It shows dedication. It shows discipline. It shows self respect and consequently exudes true respect for the spirit of others. It shows self restraint, dignity, patience, work ethic and passion. The body alone gives little value to the whole person, but the spirit is where lies all that makes us who we are.
The status symbol of a well cared for body only matters while we're in THIS body. When we leave it behind, the condition of our spirit will be all that truly matters. If the condition of my spirit here determined how I looked in heaven, would I be fit or scrawny when I got there? I think I want to shoot for fit. Is there a marathon plan for spiritual fitness? I may have to get back to you on that.
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