The Upside of Autism

I've had a lot to say about autism and how it affects my son and family over the past 5 years. I've even been heard saying I'm thankful for it. I'm sure any of you reading this that have a personal connection to this disorder can understand what I meant by that, but I want to retract and amend that statement. I'm not thankful for this disease. In actuality, I hate it, and that hatred grows every day.

I hate autism. I hate how it locks precious children inside themselves, how it hides so much of their spirit from a dark world that needs their light. I hate how it exhausts mothers, fathers and caretakers and leaves them struggling, frustrated and feeling so very alone. I hate how it drives families into isolation. I hate how it affects siblings, how they must learn in an almost backward way that love is selfless and sacrificial. I hate how it divides our families, our communities and our world. I hate how it changes and eludes our understanding. I hate its relentlessness and pervasiveness. I hate that it is so expensive and difficult to treat. I hate how it seems to bring out the ugliest of our ignorance. I hate how it awakens the worst in the least human of our society, those who prey on the week and helpless. I hate the day I first learned what it was and what it meant to my family, to my baby, and to my life. I hate autism, however….

I love my son. I love ALL his differences. I love how hard he's worked and how the struggle with autism has only made him stronger. I love how I have a special place in my heart for Thomas the Tank Engine, Lightening McQueen, Legos and all the other obsessions he's attached himself to over the course of his life. I love that he loves art and music. I love how wonderful it is that he and I can communicate without words when that language barrier proves too hard to break through. I love his laugh even when it's too loud. I love how he jumps and runs and all his other stims even when it causes people to stare. I love that he now 'over expresses' his feelings because he finally gets that I NEED to know and I can't see inside his head. I love the idea that he thinks in pictures, and I secretly wish I could understand what that's like. (I think I would like it.) I love all the wonderful teachers, doctors, psychologists, and therapists that have worked with him, every one selflessly obeying the calling in their life to make a tangible difference in the lives of children like Jackson and their families. I love what I've learned about myself, my husband, my children, and our family. I love how God has used my son's diagnosis to show me the ugliness of MY ignorance. I love how he opened my eyes to all the times I judged a mother struggling in public. I love how my initial response is now one of compassion not just for other mother's struggling, but for those judging them and me. I love how I've learned through this that each of us walk a different path filled with obstacles and difficulties impossible for others to see from the outside looking in. I love the conversations that I've been able to have with my children about how there are people in our world whose brains and bodies don't work like everyone else's, about how that does not make them less, and how they should never be treated as less. I love that each of my children better understand the concept of protecting the weak, and loving the different. I love that this struggle has ignited my fighter spirit, and seeing that same flame in Jackson, I know he'll be ok.

I hate autism, but I love the upside.

What is the upside to autism? That for all the evil it could throw at me, it has only made me a better mother, wife, friend and person, and for that I will be forever grateful.

The End Is Near

The end has come....for the 2012 election, that is. It's over, finally. No more ads or political telemarketing. No more celebrities jumping on one band wagon or another. For this I am very thankful. However, the end of the election has sparked the beginning of something else, doom.

There is nothing like the election or re-election of a liberal President to bring out the doomsday prophets. My Facebook news feed was immediately filled with all kinds of angry and fearful posts about how this is the end of the US and probably the world. Well, some of those posts were from friends up in Sandy's path, and for them, it probably really did look like the end of the world. I had one friend posting about how eerie it was to see New York City dark and how she was fully expecting to see zombies come out of the deserted buildings and try to eat her. Maybe she watches too many horror films, but I digress.

The depression and disillusionment of so many Americans, particularly conservative Christians, was palpable in the days following the election, and is still very tangible even now. I live in the conservative South, and it felt like it was almost in the air or the water or something. The sadness seemed to fuel the theories. I've heard all kinds from Obama is the anti-christ to Obama is working with Al Qaeda to destroy us from within. I didn't see the movie 2016, but I've heard all about it, more so after the election than before. There's talk of demonic activity in our government, the old Illuminati conspiracy theories, and more practically, the inevitable collapse of our economy. Now, I'm not going to tell you who I voted for, or where I tend to lean on some of these theories, but I will say that I feel very strongly that in the eternal scope of things, for those of us who believe in God and Jesus, it isn't the end of the world, even if it is the end of this world.

Even if the last days, prophesied for thousands of years, are actually upon us.... even if we are facing the possible revoking of our right to worship God as we see fit.... even if things do progress to something similar to the days of Nero when Christian men, women and children were fed to Lions for the entertainment of the 'civilized' Roman people.... even if we do find ourselves in another depression that creates a national famine.... none of this changes who we are and what we've been called to do.

"But now thus says the LORD, he who created you....He who formed you.... "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine." Isaiah 43:1

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself." Luke 10:27

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." James 1:27

"O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8

I particularly like Micah 6:8. It's so simple. Yes, we should seek justice in our homes, our churches and our government, but true justice will not come to this Earth by any human hand. And, I'm very thankful I will not receive justice but mercy from that Hand. I want to extend the mercy and kindness I was given by my God to those around me. If the times do get dark, how much brighter the Light will shine.

We are not called to fear the times in which we live, but to trust the God who put us here. Take heart in the stories of those who have come before us, those who suffered and must have believed the end of this world was upon them, too. I often look at the life I've been given and wonder to myself, why me, why now? Why wasn't I born into a time when living out my beliefs meant being burned at the steak or stoned to death? Why wasn't I born in a time of great revival and church growth? I don't know if I'll get the answer to that question in this life, but I know that if I can't trust the God who put me here, then I can't trust anything. Even if my idea of the perfect president is elected and everything is going the way I think it should, if my God is not in control, then I have nothing.

Now, Lord willing, I intend to enjoy the Holiday season, plan my next trip to Disney, train for a half-marathon, help my children grow and develop into healthy, happy adults. I intend to see them go to college, get married and have children of their own. I intend to enjoy the life I've been given by loving my God and the people He has placed in my life, by walking humbly with Him and offering kindness and mercy to everyone I can. All the rest, the details, the things that are out of my control, all that is up to Him, and I trust Him completely.

So, Happy Thanksgiving! Let's ditch the doom and gloom and be thankful for our God, our Country, our families, and our lives. Let's thank God for the food we will spread out on our dining room tables, for the souls that will gather to eat it with us whether connected by blood or another bond, and for each breath He allows us to take. For those who know Him, there will never be an end. The feast will continue with Him for eternity. Thank you, thank you, Jesus.