The Upside of Autism

I've had a lot to say about autism and how it affects my son and family over the past 5 years. I've even been heard saying I'm thankful for it. I'm sure any of you reading this that have a personal connection to this disorder can understand what I meant by that, but I want to retract and amend that statement. I'm not thankful for this disease. In actuality, I hate it, and that hatred grows every day.

I hate autism. I hate how it locks precious children inside themselves, how it hides so much of their spirit from a dark world that needs their light. I hate how it exhausts mothers, fathers and caretakers and leaves them struggling, frustrated and feeling so very alone. I hate how it drives families into isolation. I hate how it affects siblings, how they must learn in an almost backward way that love is selfless and sacrificial. I hate how it divides our families, our communities and our world. I hate how it changes and eludes our understanding. I hate its relentlessness and pervasiveness. I hate that it is so expensive and difficult to treat. I hate how it seems to bring out the ugliest of our ignorance. I hate how it awakens the worst in the least human of our society, those who prey on the week and helpless. I hate the day I first learned what it was and what it meant to my family, to my baby, and to my life. I hate autism, however….

I love my son. I love ALL his differences. I love how hard he's worked and how the struggle with autism has only made him stronger. I love how I have a special place in my heart for Thomas the Tank Engine, Lightening McQueen, Legos and all the other obsessions he's attached himself to over the course of his life. I love that he loves art and music. I love how wonderful it is that he and I can communicate without words when that language barrier proves too hard to break through. I love his laugh even when it's too loud. I love how he jumps and runs and all his other stims even when it causes people to stare. I love that he now 'over expresses' his feelings because he finally gets that I NEED to know and I can't see inside his head. I love the idea that he thinks in pictures, and I secretly wish I could understand what that's like. (I think I would like it.) I love all the wonderful teachers, doctors, psychologists, and therapists that have worked with him, every one selflessly obeying the calling in their life to make a tangible difference in the lives of children like Jackson and their families. I love what I've learned about myself, my husband, my children, and our family. I love how God has used my son's diagnosis to show me the ugliness of MY ignorance. I love how he opened my eyes to all the times I judged a mother struggling in public. I love how my initial response is now one of compassion not just for other mother's struggling, but for those judging them and me. I love how I've learned through this that each of us walk a different path filled with obstacles and difficulties impossible for others to see from the outside looking in. I love the conversations that I've been able to have with my children about how there are people in our world whose brains and bodies don't work like everyone else's, about how that does not make them less, and how they should never be treated as less. I love that each of my children better understand the concept of protecting the weak, and loving the different. I love that this struggle has ignited my fighter spirit, and seeing that same flame in Jackson, I know he'll be ok.

I hate autism, but I love the upside.

What is the upside to autism? That for all the evil it could throw at me, it has only made me a better mother, wife, friend and person, and for that I will be forever grateful.

Race Day Eve

I know this is another really bad iPhone photo, but this was the dressing room at the Rock 'N' Roll Expo tonight. If you're a runner, then you get why I think this is so funny. Maybe not, but I do. :-)

Some random thought about my day.

I left my house in a whirlwind.

I probably forgot something very important I will realize as I'm dressing in the morning.

I are too much dinner.

I'm worried about the bathroom issues after eating so much.

I'm exhausted but not sleepy.

I had so much fun laughing and talking with the other mommy runners that my face kinda hurts.

I would have gotten lost walking around Savannah in the dark if they weren't with me.

I'm really bad at parallel parking my suv.

I miss my babies.

I'm really worried about the bathroom issues from eating so much dinner so late.

No really. I'm worried. Like seriously.

And I'm on my phone typing this out so I can stay on track with this whole NaBloPoMo thing.

First half marathon tomorrow.

I WILL be pasting that sticker on the back if my car before I drive home tomorrow.

Throwback Thursday

This photo is from about a year ago. It is a photo of my daughter on a particularly long, yucky day, and it perfectly depicts the level of exhaustion I feel right now. Besides death or serious disease, I can't really think of how this day could have gone worse. Nothing went as planned. I felt frustrated and stressed out most of the day, and I spent quite a bit of it grumbling to myself about how I have to do so much by myself. We tease Jackson about sounding like Eeyor from Winnie the Pooh. Well, that was me today, except moving around really fast like Tigger at the same time. What was the plan?

Well, it's the Thursday before a Saturday race. The half marathon I've been training for for months. This Thursday was supposed to be eating and relaxing, giving my body that last little boost before the race. What did I do in stead? Too much!!! And, I'm hungry. However, in the spirit of the season, I should look back on the last half marathon I signed up for and didn't get to race due to a combo of illness and injury.

Tomorrow, Lord willing, I will travel to one of my favorite cities to race one of the most popular race series in a distance I've yet to conquer. I'm healthy and, as of the typing of this post, uninjured. I may not reach my time goal, but by George, it's happening! So, I'm gonna say a little thank you to my God and my body for putting up with me today, and I'm gonna lay down and close my eyes. Tomorrow is another day.

Veggie Power

Check out this yummy kale my mom gave me fresh from her garden today!

[sorry for yet another crummy iPhone photo, I still haven't unloaded my CF card]

She gave me kale and I made a salad. I figured I would share how I make my own salad and dressing.

First I start with whatever greens I feel like using. Today it's kale, obviously. Whatever other veggies looked good from the market. Today that's tomatoes and broccoli. I know I might be breaking all kinds of pairing rules, but the point is to eat what you like, that is available and as local as possible. I try to add a protein of some kind. Today is pecans. Mmmmm. Makes me think of pie and Thanksgiving, but I digress. Then the dressing.

Equal parts oil and vinegar. I use olive oil and apple cider vinegar mostly, but I've also tried balsamic and grape seed oil. The apple cider vinegar is super healthy, and the olive oil helps your body better absorb the licopene in the tomatoes. So, that's my go to combo. Sweeten with honey to taste. Add a little acid. In this case I used lime juice. Pour over the salad and toss with salt and fresh cracked pepper, and its a meal. Of course today I'm carb loading for the race Saturday, so I'm eating a bowl of brown rice and quinoa, too.

The fact that I haven't had a single piece of candy or junk food since the 1st means I'm slowly conquering this sugar addiction one meal at a time. Of course, wanting to feel like a million bucks when I run this race Saturday has a lot to do with it.

I don't eat healthy to LOOK a certain way. I eat healthy to FEEL a certain way. Running has proven to me over and over again that the quality of my runs/workouts and my ability to push that extra 10 minutes or conquer that daunting hill, it is all connected to the kind of food I put in my body. All calories are not created equal. Now if I could just remember that AFTER I cross the finish line. :-)

Hot for the Holidays

It's November. The painted leaves are falling. There's a crispness in the air and a chill in the breeze. And, in case you miss the more subtle clues, Christmas decorations are EVERYWHERE! The Holiday season is upon us, and Thanksgiving is my favorite. Family, food and being thankful, *sigh* I look forward to it every year.

As we get closer, and holiday parties and school functions start happily cluttering up the calendar, I need more caffiene. Not being one for coffee, I prefer tea. But, the Holidays often call for a little more than tea and honey. With the chill in the air and the thought of family gatherings and good food, I start craving a desert type beverage, preferably HOT. Apple cider, hot chocolate, lattes and pumpkin flavored everything, oh I love it all. Thing is, its hard to find less processed versions of some of these things. I love true hot cocoa/chocolate made from bars and melted low and slow with milk and cream, but I rarely have time for all that.

The iPhone photo above (my camera is currently full of baseball photos, and I haven't had the energy to unload it yet) shows my two favorite hot drinks and I'll tell you how I tweak them for the Holidays.

The Silly Cow Farms Hot Chocolate fits in the five ingredient or under rule, and it tastes like the slow melted real deal. Add a little hand whipped cream and a peppermint stick or a dash of cinnamon, and you've got a super yummy Holiday inspired treat. Tazo Chai Tea Latte concentrate is a nice alternative to coffee, and being a concentrate, you can blend it with different milks and flavorings to make your own special drink. I make mine with half coconut milk and add a little pumpkin pie spice for my own version of a pumpkin spice latte.

They do contain sugar. So, if you're on a low or no sugar diet, these would be just for a special occasion, but they're way better than the corn syrup powder that comes in the packets.

I have only seen the Silly Cow Hot Chocolate at Whole Foods, but the Tazo chai concentrate is available at Kroger and Publix, and I would imagine other regular grocery stores as well. FYI: I've tried the chocolate chai concentrate and didn't like it very much. I have combined these two drinks successfully, though. Make the hot chocolate and add the concentrate for a spicy little caffeine kick. Yum.

If you have a suggestion for a hot Holiday drink, I would love to hear about it.

NaBloPoMo

I was scrolling through my favorite blogs while waiting on Jackson at music therapy, and I stumbled on a post about how to survive NaBloPoMo. My first reaction was, "ooooh, is that a disease I have never heard of? I have to click." Turns out it's not a disease but a challenge. November is National Blog Posting Month. I know, right? Who knew? I didn't. In case you haven't heard of it either, it's a challenge to bloggers to post once a day for the month of November. I'm a little behind already, but I think I might want to be in on this. So, sorry to my followers who follow for quality content. Alright now, I can pretend I have followers who are not related to me who follow for quality. I can pretend anything, like how super hot I look in my giant sweatshirt, pony tail, skinny jeans and bear claw boots right now. Anything is possible in my head. However, I do feel the need to warn you this might be a shallow, silly month.

Anyway, after I discovered that NaBloPoMo wasn't a disease, I started to go through all my saved drafts and see what I could salvage and make notes for other ideas. Then I actually read the rest of the post I clicked on. Yes, I'm one of those surfers. It's the millennial generation in me. I have a very difficult time paying attention online. Where was I? Oh, yeah. So, I used one of the suggestions and googled writing prompts. I'm in heaven! I really think I should have been a writing major. I scrolled through post after post of creative writing assignments and prompts, I was almost giddy thinking about trying all of them. Then I started thinking I should do them with my kids. Then I came to my senses and realized they would HATE me if I tried to do that, but that doesn't mean I can't grab one of those ideas and run with it. So, here is my first post committing to writing 30 posts this November. One a day. First a disease, then a vitamin. I think it works.

So, here's hoping this doesn't turn out to be another one of those things I jump into and then abandon because I never learned how to juggle. November is a crazy month. Here we go.