The Worst Transition EVER

We’ve been looking for that perfect house for a while now, one that has enough room for us and our children with some to spare so we can practice hospitality, one with a large kitchen and well laid out rooms, somewhere we can permanently settle and raise our family. Well, we found it, everything I mentioned above and more, but the timing of that decision has proven to be the worst transition to date. 

Our landlord decided he wanted to sell the house we were renting, but closing on the new house kept getting pushed back. We were suddenly faced with moving out before we had somewhere to move to. Big problem for a family of five, but even worse for one with an autistic child. The only solution we could figure out was to stay with family until we were able to close on the new house.

Jackson has been doing better with transitions lately, usually only struggling with the ones any other five year old would struggle with. You know, like leaving the playground to go home get a bath and go to bed. I was hopeful we might get through this afterall.

So, step one was to get packed. Jackson took it relatively well until the late nights and days without naps took their toll on his already struggling system. He eventually broke down into a mess, sitting in his room where his bed used to be crying over and over, “but I don’t want a new house, I want to keep this one.” I couldn’t help but sit and cry with him. 

Step two was to store everything and take only the bare minimum. Trying to figure out what we absolutely had to have proved more difficult for me than for Jackson. As long as he has his blanket, pillow pet and some action figures, he’s good. I found a lesson in his simplicity, but I’ll share that one another time. 

Step three settling into my parents’ three bedroom, two bathroom house where my brother and his wife are also staying. Yes, that means nine people total in a little farm-house and all five of us sleeping in one room. I have to say that while it is a struggle to get children who are used to being tucked in and left to go to sleep on their own to go to sleep together in one room has been a challenge, I have actually enjoyed the closeness. I’ve thought several times that there are families all over the world who do this every night. I can handle it for a couple of weeks, right? While spending time with my parents has been nice and having a farm to roam has been nice as well, I’m seeing more struggle in Jackson. More whining, more fussing, more stemming and lashing out behavior. Less eye contact, less social interaction. More gaming, playing action figures all by himself, more talking back and angry expressions of his feelings. I wish I could say I have a plan all figured out for all this behavior, but this transition is hard on me and the rest of us as well. We’re all more testy and we’re all finding it harder to get along. His younger sister is REALLY struggling with the whole thing. She’s asked to go home a couple of times, and I’ve found myself struggling to know what to say because in the craziness of those moments, I do, too. I think my struggle makes his that much more difficult.

I keep thinking to myself, this too shall pass. It will all soon be a funny story we tell everyone who sees our new house, but that only brings a little comfort in the throws of a five year old’s defiance or a two year old’s testy screams. I can say, though, that once we do get settled into our new home and past all the transition woes, I will be that much more thankful for the rhythm and routine of a peaceful home we can call our own.

Daily Struggle

I’ve often joked with friends and family that I excel in crisis, but I struggle with every day living. In the case of severe crisis, I leap into action intuitively knowing what needs to be done, immediately forgetting grudges or insecurities that might apply in my relationships with those affected. However, in the minor everyday crisis like melt downs and food allergies, I have a tendency to melt down, too. 

I’ve recently read a book with many accounts of suffering and struggle that produced more faith and strength in those afflicted. I couldn’t help but think to myself, “If this is suffering, then I have never suffered, not one moment of my life.” As I finished the 475 pages of this life-changing book, I was reminded of the constant struggle I and my family face with Jackson’s food allergies and autism. 

We don’t come to one meal without thinking, “what about Jackson?” We don’t face any Holiday, family gathering or crowded adventure without thinking, “what about Jackson?” We’ve laid out plans for emotional crises and forged recipes that keep well and satisfy his pallet for those unexpected food emergencies. I have exit strategies for most of the public places we frequent, and I can read a food label like a pro. Even those little things like Kindergarten are approached with IEP’s, service and meal plans, therapy schedules and private versus public options. After thinking about all the ways his condition affects our lives, my ‘joke’ came to mind. Maybe the God of the universe agrees with my silly statement and has sent daily struggles rather than cataclysmic suffering to shape me, to make me more like His Son. 

When the one person you can’t stand but still can’t get away from suffers the loss of a spouse, parent or child (or some other catastrophic event), and somehow all the issues you had with them melt away and you feel led to intervene and help in some way. Well, that’s one thing. When the child God has entrusted to your care freaks out because he’s out of his element and struggling with the changes in his life, and somehow you can’t muster even the slightest amount of compassion because you don’t think you can take anymore whining or fussing. That’s another. 

I’ve been humbled by this minor little revelation, and feel the need to surrender this part of my life to the God who made me and my sweet Jackson. He knows us both better than we know ourselves, and only He knows how to best go about this mother/son relationship. I want so much to accept the struggle and pass this test so I can someday say I’m good in crisis and better at the every day struggle than I ever thought possible. 

Oh, how I long to hear…. 

“Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a few things; I will make you ruler over many. Enter into the joy of the Lord.” Matt 25:23

Homemade Poptarts

I've gone through a burn out period in my cooking life. Between therapy appointments, preschool, homeschooling my older son, baseball and a rambunctious two year old, cooking has become more of a burden than a delight. For the most part, I've only been cooking/baking the minimum to get me by. However, I ran across a recipe that made me curious again, homemade poptarts. It came from Chickens in the Road, one of my favorite blogs to follow, and I couldn't help but want to try it and see what happened. It was most definitely a success, and Jackson is looking forward to eating them at school when the rest of his class is eating toaster pastries.

Here's the original recipe, Homemade Poptarts.

I used pre-made pie crust (for time's sake), and I added a little more vanilla and cinnamon to the filling. Next time I'll make some apple jelly or use some strawberry jam. Definitely a recipe worth keeping.

After everyone had enjoyed their own poptart, I froze the leftovers and plan to use them for quick morning breakfasts and morning school snacks.

Granny's Pound Cake

This is my Dad's and my son Jackson's favorite cake. It's my Granny's pound cake recipe from my Memaw's cook book.

3 sticks butter, softened
2 1/2 cups white sugar
8 eggs (corn-free, free-range)
1 tsp cream of tartar
3 cups flour
1 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Cream butter and sugar well, add whole beaten eggs, flavoring and cream of tartar. Beat until smooth. Add flour all at once. Beat for 10 minutes (medium speed). Pour into greased, floured tube or bundt pan and bake for 1 hour and 45 minutes.

Ok. So, this is the recipe pretty much as written in my Memaw's cook book. I add another teaspoon of vanilla and some milk, about a half cup to make the batter more wet and pourable. I add the flour in a 1/2 a cup at a time, and I always have to cook it longer. But, let me tell you, it is the BEST pound cake of any I've tasted. Of course, I might be swayed by nostalgia and family taste, but I still think it's the best.

Jackson wanted it for his treat to take to his class on his birthday. He likes it better than cupcakes or iced cookies, and I really enjoy the fact that it's an old family recipe.

You can sift powdered sugar over the top or make a drizzle icing.

This is my version of the drizzle icing, and I usually just cover the cake in it.

Melt a half a stick of butter. Add it to the bowl of a stand mixer (you can mix this by hand, but it won't quite be as smooth as with a mixer) and add a teaspoon of vanilla extract (corn-free). Pour in confectioner's sugar (corn-free) a half a cup at a time (up to about 2 cups) and beat until the mixture becomes kind of like a dough. Add a couple tablespoons of hot water at a time, mixing until you get the desired consistency. Drizzle over the cooled pound cake (or cover the whole thing like I do). If you want it to be more transparent, then use more water. I like it thick like cinnamon roll icing. I sprinkled all natural, corn-free sprinkles over the top so it at least looked like it was intended for a celebration.

I made this yesterday, and between his class at school and my family, it was gone by lunch today.

Chili

When cold weather sets in, I start craving those hot comfort foods that warm you up from your toes. Things like chicken and dumplings, chicken pot pie and chili. I've found that there are as many different varieties of chili as there are families, but if you're looking for a recipe that has been used for years and proven yummy, this is it.

Slow Cooker Chili

1lb Ground Beef
1 15 oz Can of Tomato Sauce
1 14 oz Can Diced tomatoes
1 15 oz Can Kidney Beans
1 15 oz Can Pinto Beans
1 large onion, finely chopped
1-2 cloves garlic, minced
1/8 tsp Cayenne
1 tsp white sugar
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp ground black pepper
1 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/4 cup Chili powder

Brown the ground beef, drain, and saute together with the onions until the onions are translucent. Add garlic and saute until fragrant. Add all ingredients to crock pot, turn on high for 4-5 hours or low for 6-8 hours. The longer it simmers the better it is.

I use my dutch oven for this, too. Brown the meat, saute the onions and garlic, add the ingredients and leave it to simmer for a few hours. All in one pot. That's nice for clean up, but it's also nice to throw it in the crock pot and let it cook without having to worry about being near it to make sure it doesn't burn or something.

I don't like to use store bought canned stuff if I can help it, but this is one of those things unless you canned it all yourself before hand, it would take all day to prepare the sauce, tomatoes and beans. So, I just buy organic canned goods. Check the label if you've got allergies. Kidney beans are hard to find without corn syrup or some other type of corn (i.e. dextrose, starch etc.). I've used red beans as a substitute successfully. 

Now, the picture above has my homemade corn bread in the background. Obviously not an option for my little corn-allergic guy. Back to Nature has a saltine cracker that is corn free. I buy them at Kroger in their health food section or at Publix on the cookie/cracker isle in the greenwise section.

Also, when you're in a pinch and can't find the organic brands, the Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Saltine variety are corn-free. I buy them at Kroger. Kid's get a kick out of fish shaped crackers in their chili, too. Jackson usually just picks through and eats the crackers and meat.

Freeze Your Own Pizza

Jackson LOVES pizza. When I was first trying to figure out his allergy issues, I learned out how to make yummy safe pizza, but we kept finding ourselves at birthday parties, family gatherings and other times where we needed safe pizza but I didn't have 2 hours to make it. Then I learned the secret to making and freezing your own pizza at home. Putting the cheese on first.

First the dough.

3 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 1/3 cups warm water
1 tbsp sugar
1 packet yeast (2 1/4 tsp if you buy the jars)
3 tbsp olive oil
1-3 tsp garlic juice

Combine the flour and salt. Make a well and add the water, sugar and yeast. Once the yeast dissolves, add the olive oil and garlic juice. Mix until dough forms, then knead until smooth and elastic. If it's sticky, add more flour. If it's dry, add more water. Brush with olive oil, cover in a bowl and allow it to rise for about an hour, until doubled in size. This recipe makes about 2 pounds of dough. I can usually get 5 thin personal sized crusts.

I know that a couple of major chains use garlic juice in their crust recipes. So, that might sound weird, but it didn't come out of nowhere. I put 3 tsp in, but you can use more, less or omit altogether depending on your tastes.

Also, most major delivery chains roll their dough in a corn meal mixture. This does add flavor and makes the crust brown better. I do it for the grown ups since we put things like mushrooms, bell peppers and onions on ours. If you don't have a corn allergy, it does make a difference, so you will probably want to use it.

After the dough has risen, separate it into little dough balls, in my case 5. Roll the dough out with a rolling pin first, then place the crusts onto oiled paper plates. I use olive oil. Since you're freezing, you want something you can freeze it on and remove. If you oil them just right (not too much), the pizza shouldn't stick, but even if it does, you can peel the paper plate off the bottom. You just need something to hold the shape while it freezes. If you want to freeze a full size pizza, you can buy those aluminum pizza pans. Just remove it before you cook it. Those things and frozen pizza together make for yucky crust.

Brush your crusts with butter or olive oil, something to help with the browning process later.

 

Sprinkle a fairly thick layer of cheese. Then spoon your tomato sauce over the cheese. Spread carefully trying not to let the tomato sauce touch the bottom crust. Don't be super picky, but try to keep the cheese on the bottom and the sauce on top. I sprinkle a little more cheese on top, some basil, and then add our toppings. Since these are usually personal pizzas for Jackson, I don't put veggies on top. Usually hand made sausage we get from a local meat market, ham and/or hot dogs cut like pepperoni (sounds weird, but he LOVES it). I don't know how veggies will freeze in a home freezer, but have fun with it. You never know what they'll eat.

When I've got the pizzas topped and ready to freeze, I try to create a level spot in my chest freezer to lay them out to freeze initially. Once they start to get hard, cover them with plastic wrap. When they've been in there for several hours, remove the paper plates and wrap individually with plastic wrap. I've used round cake boards dusted with a little bit of flour on the bottom of the pizza, and if you've got a stuffed freezer (like me), the boards really help keep the pizza from getting broken.

When you're ready for some pizza:

Preheat your oven to 500 degrees. Unwrap your pizza, brush the outside crust with melted butter or olive oil, place on a pizza stone or right on the oven rack. Cook for about 10 minutes or until the crust is golden brown. Keep in mind, you're not going to get the same golden brown they get from a gigantic pizza oven or brushing with oil, egg and rolling in corn meal, but it will be tasty. That's what really matters.

Holiday Hot Chocolate Bar

There's nothing quite like homemade hot chocolate.

Last Christmas I prepared a hot chocolate bar for my family's Christmas gathering. It was a big hit, and not really more difficult than bringing any other Holiday dish. The chocolate was the easy part. The hard part comes from making the fixin's. It has to be homemade for Jackson to be able to have it, and hot chocolate isn't really special without at least marshmallows and whipped cream.

The photo above is mine from another homemade hot chocolate day. I wish I had photos of the Holiday spread, but they seem to be lost in my digital back up folder. Maybe you can just picture it. I used a crock pot, plugged in on the kitchen counter bar. Laid out the fixin's on Holiday platters with mugs and spoons near the crock pot. It was 'make-your-own' fantastic.

Here's a photo from Food Network that might help you see what I'm talking about.

First the chocolate:

2 cups whole milk
2 cups whipping cream
1 pkg milk chocolate chips
2 Tbsp sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract (you want to use a really good kind like Rodelle)

In a large sauce pan, combine the milk, cream and sugar. Heat until very warm but don't boil. Add chocolate chips and stir until melted. Pour mixture into a crock pot and add vanilla. Turn the crock pot on high. This serves about 4 people. So, you might need to double or triple it depending on how many people will be at your gathering. Just make sure you have a big enough crock pot or you can keep another one cooking in the background. You'll also need a ladle to scoop it out into mugs.

The Marshmallows:

Alton Brown's recipe is the best I've found for marshmallows, and the easiest really. It is already egg free, but of course it has to be altered to be corn-free. So, here's my adapted version.

3 pkg unflavored gelatin
1 cup ice cold water, divided
1 1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 cup sugar syrup
(You can use Lyle's golden syrup or make your own, 2 C sugar, 3/4 C water, 1/4 tsp cream of tartar, dash of salt. Bring to boil, simmer with cover on for 3 minutes, cook uncovered until it reaches soft ball stage, around 235 degrees.)
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla extract
Corn-free powdered sugar for dusting (365 Organic found at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's store brand)

Place the gelatin into the bowl of a stand mixer along with 1/2 cup of the water. Have the whisk attachment standing by.

In a small sauce pan combine the remaining 1/2 cup water, granulated sugar, sugar syrup and salt. Place over medium high heat, cover and allow to cook for 3 to 4 minutes. Uncover, clip a candy thermometer onto the side of the pan and continue to cook until the mixture reaches 240 degrees F, approximately 7 to 8 minutes. Once the mixture reaches this temperature, immediately remove from the heat.

Turn the mixer on low speed and, while running, slowly pour the sugar mixture down the side of the bowl into the gelatin mixture. Once you have added all of the syrup, increase the speed to high. Continue to whip until the mixture becomes very thick and is lukewarm, approximately 12 to 15 minutes. Add the vanilla during the last minute of whipping. While the mixture is whipping prepare the pan.

Grease a 13 by 9-inch metal baking pan. Add some powdered sugar and move around to completely coat the bottom and sides of the pan.

When ready, pour the mixture into the prepared pan, using a lightly oiled spatula for spreading evenly into the pan. Dust the top with enough powdered sugar to lightly cover. Allow the marshmallows to sit uncovered for at least 4 hours and up to overnight.

Turn the marshmallows out onto a cutting board and cut into 1-inch squares using a pizza wheel dusted with confectioners' sugar. I like to use small cookie cutters to cut them into fun shapes. Once cut, lightly dust all sides of each marshmallow with the remaining mixture, using additional if necessary. Store in an airtight container for up to 3 weeks.

And the Whipped Cream:

1 pint heavy whipping cream
6 Tbsp sugar
2 tsp vanilla

Pour the cream into the bowl and whip with a mixer until it begins to thicken. Add sugar one tbsp at a time then add vanilla. Mix until combined. Be careful not to overmix the cream or else will start to resemble butter rather than whipped cream. Make sure you refrigerate it until you're ready to use it. I beat the cream at my mother's house when we were ready to enjoy the chocolate.

I also had cinnamon in a little dish with a serving teaspoon (you could use cinnamon sticks, too), peppermints and homemade caramels (something I love in hot chocolate). The sky's the limit, though, and it makes for something fun and personal.