Daily Struggle

I’ve often joked with friends and family that I excel in crisis, but I struggle with every day living. In the case of severe crisis, I leap into action intuitively knowing what needs to be done, immediately forgetting grudges or insecurities that might apply in my relationships with those affected. However, in the minor everyday crisis like melt downs and food allergies, I have a tendency to melt down, too. 

I’ve recently read a book with many accounts of suffering and struggle that produced more faith and strength in those afflicted. I couldn’t help but think to myself, “If this is suffering, then I have never suffered, not one moment of my life.” As I finished the 475 pages of this life-changing book, I was reminded of the constant struggle I and my family face with Jackson’s food allergies and autism. 

We don’t come to one meal without thinking, “what about Jackson?” We don’t face any Holiday, family gathering or crowded adventure without thinking, “what about Jackson?” We’ve laid out plans for emotional crises and forged recipes that keep well and satisfy his pallet for those unexpected food emergencies. I have exit strategies for most of the public places we frequent, and I can read a food label like a pro. Even those little things like Kindergarten are approached with IEP’s, service and meal plans, therapy schedules and private versus public options. After thinking about all the ways his condition affects our lives, my ‘joke’ came to mind. Maybe the God of the universe agrees with my silly statement and has sent daily struggles rather than cataclysmic suffering to shape me, to make me more like His Son. 

When the one person you can’t stand but still can’t get away from suffers the loss of a spouse, parent or child (or some other catastrophic event), and somehow all the issues you had with them melt away and you feel led to intervene and help in some way. Well, that’s one thing. When the child God has entrusted to your care freaks out because he’s out of his element and struggling with the changes in his life, and somehow you can’t muster even the slightest amount of compassion because you don’t think you can take anymore whining or fussing. That’s another. 

I’ve been humbled by this minor little revelation, and feel the need to surrender this part of my life to the God who made me and my sweet Jackson. He knows us both better than we know ourselves, and only He knows how to best go about this mother/son relationship. I want so much to accept the struggle and pass this test so I can someday say I’m good in crisis and better at the every day struggle than I ever thought possible. 

Oh, how I long to hear…. 

“Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a few things; I will make you ruler over many. Enter into the joy of the Lord.” Matt 25:23