Happy Ever After and a Decade of Real Life

 How exactly do you stay married to someone you have nothing in common with? I wish I could say I have the answer, but "you just do" doesn't really cut it since life tends to be more complicated than that. I guess a better question might be, how did you get married in the first place?

My husband and I don't like the same kind of music, movies, tv, pass times, sports, passions, food, decorating style, fashion, books....I could keep going, really. He's a doctor. I'm an artist. He's concrete. I'm abstract. He went to public school. I was homeschooled. He went to a large secular university. I went to a small private college. He works to provide for our family. I work to keep us all from starving, stinking or streaking. He's a natural born leader. I'm more of a free spirit. About the only thing we have in common is our children and our faith.


I've often asked myself over the past ten years how exactly did this happen? How did two people so very different make it down the isle? And, how have we avoided the courtroom? Well, if I ever have that lightening bolt revelation, I'll let you know right before I write my own marriage self help book to add to the plethora of dusty books on my book case. I will say that the older I get, the more I realize how little I really do know about life and just how much I need help.

There was a time when my husband and I had more in common than it seems we do now. One of my favorite things about him was how we could talk for hours and I could ask him a million questions (usually about science or medicine), and he would just keep talking and answering as if he never got tired. He's a natural born leader like I mentioned above, but his gift is teaching. He can break down the most complicated concepts and explain them to anyone in a way they can understand. He won awards for patient communication in med school and residency, and it hasn't really changed. His patients LOVE him, and it's not all about how knowledgeable he is as a doctor (which I will say, he's pretty darn smart). It's about how much he cares about each and every one of them, even the difficult ones. His gift for teaching and communicating drew me in like a magnet, it makes him a better doctor and a better father, too. The best teaching moments, the ones I hope I remember all the way to my last breath, are the ones he shares with our children.

He works very hard to provide for our family. He always has, even when things weren't looking so good for us. That has allowed me the ability to devote myself completely to our children, especially  to Jackson's ever changing needs. He handles the bread winning so I can handle the bread making, and I am VERY thankful for that.

His type B personality is a pretty good compliment to my type A. His relaxed "it will all work out" temperment helps balance out my "the world is going to end right NOW" mentality. We might not have a whole lot in common, but maybe that's a good thing.

I believe my husband and I are together because God put us together, not to provide happiness but friction, the kind that smooths out rough edges and rusty patches. Iron sharpening iron (Prov. 27:17). I believe God is working in us and through us to give us MORE than happily ever after here on Earth, but abundant life with Him forever.

So, after 10 years, three kids, an autism diagnosis, and a whole lot of crazy life, I don't think it's so much about finding the right one, but about becoming the right one, together. Here's to another ten years of sharpening. Maybe by then we'll have it all figured out.