The Weird Kid

Jackson and I were grocery shopping today. Just the two of us, two birds of a feather. His job was holding the shopping list, and mine was pushing the cart. He really enjoys being in charge of the list, he controls where we go and what goes in the cart. Well, that is unless Mommy puts things on the list in the wrong order or remembers something that isn't on the list. Then he jokingly scolds, "Mommy?!" and either draws arrows to where the item should have been on the list or writes in the missing item just so he can cross it off.

Did I mention he also gets to hold the pen? He loves crossing things off. In fact, I think he might like that as much as his mommy, who may or may not put some things on lists that don't really need to be there just so she can cross them off and feel like she's accomplishing more than she really is. Yeah, see, thats what I mean by birds of a feather. That's my boy, y'all! Same wavelength.

Anyway, we're walking along, and he crosses off the wrong item on the list. He stops and says, "Oh, I'm dumb." He explains, and I reply, "You're not dumb. You know I don't like using that word when we're talking about people. You made a mistake. Mommy's made ten of those since we walked in the store." His reply, "Yeah, but I'm the weird kid.

[Pause for effect]

Cue the rising of my internal mama bear. Who told my baby he's weird? Who? I'll show them 'weird' and several other more colorful adjectives. Just le'me at um.

[A few seconds to process]

Cue the over explaining lesson giver that wants to stop him right there in front of God and everybody and talk about how 'weird' is what people say when someone is different than everyone else, different from them in a way that they don't understand. But, being just like everyone else means you're hiding who you really are. Who wants to be 'normal'? 'Normal' people don't find cures for deadly diseases or write novels people still read and talk about centuries after they're dead. 'Normal' people don't paint ceilings in cathedrals or write music that calms the mind. 'Normal' people don't deliver life saving medicine, healthy food or clean water to the forgotten people on our planet. 'Normal' people don't change the world. They don't even make a ripple in the lives around them. They live and die never accomplishing more than fitting in. I wanted to tell him how I LOVE that he's different, and how I've NEVER wanted him to be 'normal'.

And I did, later.

First, though, that word started flooding my mind. All the references and uses I've made. 'How weird is that?' 'Don't pick your nose. That's weird.' When I thought about it, I figured out that he could have just put together all the things I said were weird, things he probably does and made the inference (crazy how he can do that sometimes now, you autism moms know what I'm talking about, that's a big deal). He could have decided he was weird just from what I have said to him or around him.

Cue the mommy guilt.

There's another word that has been floating around in debate these days, and I never understood just how hurtful it can be until my Jackson was diagnosed with autism. We don't say it in our house, and I don't know if Jackson has ever even heard it, yet anyway. If you don't know the word I'm talking about, its 'retarded'. It's not a bad word, not profanity or vulgar, but it can be a hurtful word all the same. Not just to the mommies and daddies and caregivers and others who love someone with disabilities, but to the disabled themselves. They may not hear and understand or process the way we do, but they get it. They know what it means. And that one word thrown at them carelessly can define how they see themselves even if you never meant for it to.

How does a 7 year old boy with autism decide he's the weird kid? Because in this world, even in our home where I've done all I can to make a safe comfortable place for my babies to grow up, we define normal with our words and actions and demand conformity. He's getting to the point in his development where he sees just how different he is, and words thrown around carelessly, they land differently on his little ears.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue."

Proverbs 18:21

I want my words to give life, inspiration and encouragement to my children. I don't ever want to tear them down or make them feel inferior.

So, this kid's on a mission. After all, we've got more stuff to put in the cart and cross off this 'weird' list so we can go home and get back to more important things like building lego towers and eating ice cream (which is last on the list because it melts).

As my head swirls from the whirlwind of thoughts, he hasn't skipped a beat, and I tell him, "You're not weird. You're the best kind of different there is, and I love you."