I grew up with animals. Some of my fondest and most vivid childhood memories are of my horses, sheep, dogs, cats, chickens, geese, ducks and whatever poor struggling animal I felt the need to rescue, the uglier and more helpless the better. If it needed me (and even if its need was all in my head), I had to take care of it. I rescued baby birds from my cats and fed them to death. Who knew you aren't supposed to feed them every time they chirp? I rescued other things from my cats, too, things like lizards and frogs. I also thought it would be cool to see if I could get baby frogs by keeping them in a bucket with a little terrarium for them to lay their eggs. Who knew frogs are cannibalistic? I used to come back and wonder how in the world one or more of them got out of my enclosure without any sign of escape, and it took me a very long time to figure out that the fat happy frog that didn't seem to want to escape was eating the others. I learned a lot about animals and how the natural world works in my simple happy childhood. There were plenty of life lessons learned from observing God's amazing creation up close (like how you should leave frog mating up to the Big Guy) and from connecting the dots between scriptural comparisons of sheep and God's people. Sometimes, the comparison was encouraging, other times embarrassing, and I'm finding myself thinking about one of those traits I noticed so long ago.
I'm not exactly sure how sheep are supposed to survive in the wild. I don't know that there are really any 'wild' sheep anywhere. I might have to look that up. Generally though, when you think about sheep you assume there is a shepherd leading and protecting them. So, being good shepherds, during the cold months when nothing much was growing, we kept our sheep close to the barn or enclosure and fed them grain and hay. They would spend their days snuggled up together and enjoying the trough side service. Every Spring, when we would open the gate to let them out to roam and enjoy natures fresh salad bar, it would always take them a little while to get through that gate. They would often stand there and stare at it. I have no idea what or IF sheep think, but I used to imagine their minds wandering. "Can we go? Should we go? Is it safe to leave the trough? What if we can't get back? Is it a trick? Is she going to be waiting on the other side to catch us and shear us, or worse, de-worm us? Is it a mirage?" Now, sometimes all it took was me catching one and leading them out. Sometimes I wanted to just wait and see if they would trust me. Other times I didn't have any patience and I chased them out. (I know children can be cruel.) It happened the same every year. Stare at the gate until one brave sheep broke from the group and ventured through. Then it was all you can eat until Fall settled in again. The reverse would happen as well. Once all the green had faded to brown and the trees were bare, they would still wait by the gate like we were cruel to keep them shut in. It always took them a while to settle back into the changes each season brought.
I've looked forward to all three of my children being in school on two days every week this entire Summer. I have ALL kinds of plans and visions of a spotless house and finally finished projects. So what did I do with my first day of freedom? Besides having Starbucks with a friend and running a few errands, nothing much at all. I spent the rest of the day almost paralyzed with indecision. I just couldn't get anything done. It was like I was staring at that barn gate and the freedom beyond but not quite sure how to get through it. "Can I do this? Should I do this? Is it safe? Will my kids be ok? Is it a trick? Will I start too many things and be in a bigger mess than before? What if it's all an illusion?" Crazy, huh? I'm thinking I will eventually figure it out. Well, when my daughter's immune system gets up and fighting, that is. She's been sick the last two school days. I want so much to get all the tough stuff done on those days when I'm alone. It's crazy how much you can get done when you don't have a three year old under your feet ALL day. My vision is to have all the busy work done those days so that I can actually enjoy the days and evenings when they're home with me again. It's been so long since I've been able to sit back and marvel at the beautiful people they're becoming. My mind is so preoccupied with all I've NOT done or am NOT doing. I'm in constant survival and failure mode lately, and I'm hoping to use this new freedom to accomplish those things so my mind can rest and my hands are free to play. We'll see. Right now, I'm still staring at that barn gate. Maybe the next school day, I'll be ready to feast on all this new season has to offer. Then again, maybe I'll just sleep.
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