It's probably 3am. I don't know because the clock numbers are too small and too far away for me to see them from my bed, and I don't want to check my phone. I'm just guessing since that's my usual 'wake up and have trouble going back to sleep' time. I lay there for a minute and wonder what it meant.
I've heard that dreaming you're naked in public means you don't feel like you know what you're doing, and you're afraid everyone is going to find out. Or, you're hiding something and fear what would happen if everyone knew. Afraid of being exposed = being naked in public. Makes sense, right?
I am now the mother of three elementary school age children. No more babies in this house. I don't know that I really miss those harried, messy days. (I know. What mother actually says that out loud? Answer: this one.) However, I do think they came more naturally to me than the stage we're in right now. All you have to do for a two year old is feed him, change him, snuggle him, and keep him busy. Basically, just keep him alive and smiling. Mommy is always the hero even when there is a wet diaper hanging from the ceiling fan and they've lost their toy soldier in the toilet. Of course, you might make them mad when you enforce boundaries, but they get over it pretty quick and go back to thinking you hung the moon. And, they sleep! A lot. So, that's awesome!
Older kids, though. See, they have projects and papers that make you miss the fat crayon coloring pages and magnetic letters on the fridge. They have their own opinions, and tend to voice them with an attitude that makes you wonder if you're failing as a parent. Definitely not like the sweet little broken sentences of a three year old. They have activities and relationships all their own. Mommy is no longer the playmate of choice, just an acceptable alternative when all other options have been exhausted. What am I gonna do with all those cardboard blocks and train tracks?
That's not really all of it, though, because I'm adapting ok to that. I've always been better with older kids anyway. I, more often than not, look forward to the growing and changing of my kids. I love seeing their personality and individuality develop, and the fact that they can do the whole toilet thing all by themselves, THAT IS AWESOME!
The problem? I think the reason I'm dreaming of being naked in public is that I will now be the home teacher for two of my children, and my older son will soon be beyond my level of expertise. He's in 4th grade. Pretty soon, I won't be able to correct his homework without an answer key. Actually, that's already happened. I have a graduate level education, and I struggled with some of the concepts he brought home in 3rd grade math. Seriously. I don't think I could make it on that Jeff Foxworthy game show, Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader. My 4th grader can hold his own, though.
Serious props to all you teachers out there! I'm pretty sure I got what I needed from school, used it to build a foundation for college and completely wiped the rest from my mind. Actually, I think having three children had a lot to do with the emptying of my brain. Maybe years of Dora, Bob and Mickey had a little to do with it, too.
Is he ready for this? Am I ready? Will I completely ruin his chances of college because I can't explain the difference between a ray and a line? Is there a difference? What am I doing?
Then there is my beautiful, vibrant, funny, super smart Kindergartner who is already telling me how to teach her, and we haven't even finished a whole month yet. Between fearing the complete destruction of my 4th grader's education and dreading the arguments I anticipate with my Kindergartner, I think that's enough to trigger a silly dream. Don't you?
I googled it 'cause Google knows everything, and found a suggestion, to pay attention to what the other people were doing in my dream, how they reacted to my lack of clothing. After thinking about it, I had to literally laugh out loud.
The moms working the table with me were politely annoyed, but it was at my hesitancy and continuous absences, not my state of dress. One very special woman, whom I love and will not name right now, actually told me to get my head in the game, reminded me that I've got this, and told me to stop checking out. Other moms coming to the table were all smiles and thank you's. Actually, the only people who noticed were a couple of dads shaking their heads from a distant table.
Solidarity, Ladies! I must be surrounded by the best bunch of moms on the planet, or at least I truly, honestly feel supported and loved by y'all even though I don't feel adequate.
And, that's just it. None of us have all the answers. Most of us are just trying to get our children to adulthood alive. If they become productive, responsible and independent while still breathing, we should get a bonus. If we raise them to love the Lord and follow him when they don't know what they're doing, then we have succeeded, and I think that might be the point of all this.
I do NOT know what I'm doing, but I know someone who does. Not knowing what you're doing isn't a sin. It's human, and leaning on Jesus when I'm lost is so much more important a lesson than the difference between a line and a ray. Of course, my 4th grader still needs to know all that because the kid wants to be a mechanical engineer (God, help me, I'm an artist), but if he can't seek help and learn from the Master, then he'll fail in the bigger things, the things you can't take back.
So, I'm exposing myself, and hopefully, I can encourage a mom or two out there wondering if they've got what it takes to be the mom their kids need. Yes, you do. God gave you those babies and everything you need to get them to the jumping off point, that place where they fly away to the lives they were meant to live. Don't hesitate and freeze. Don't check out and disappear. Get your head in the game. You've got this.
I do NOT know what I'm doing, but I know someone who does. Not knowing what you're doing isn't a sin. It's human, and leaning on Jesus when I'm lost is so much more important a lesson than the difference between a line and a ray. Of course, my 4th grader still needs to know all that because the kid wants to be a mechanical engineer (God, help me, I'm an artist), but if he can't seek help and learn from the Master, then he'll fail in the bigger things, the things you can't take back.
So, I'm exposing myself, and hopefully, I can encourage a mom or two out there wondering if they've got what it takes to be the mom their kids need. Yes, you do. God gave you those babies and everything you need to get them to the jumping off point, that place where they fly away to the lives they were meant to live. Don't hesitate and freeze. Don't check out and disappear. Get your head in the game. You've got this.
